From being an oily haired, be-spectacled , awkward looking
teen starting in 2013 to being a young woman with untied hair, who can call
herself a student, an engineer to be, a dancer, a blogger in 2019. From having
pimples and acne scars all over my face to having a decently glowing skin. From
dreaming of having those perfect bangs on my forehead to having one. From
participating eagerly in any and every competition to being the Best Outgoing
Student of my school. From being an above average student to coming 1st
in 12th std. board exams and getting into colleges I never believed
I could be in. From radio to Youtube. From dancing bharathanatyam to dancing
for Laila mein Laila. From thinking I know everything in my art to knowing I
know nothing. From the Himalayas to Kanyakumari. From being praised for getting
into top colleges to being looked down upon for dropping out twice. From perseverance
to self harm. From illnesses to recuperation. Welcome to my teens!
That was me when I was 16. Could you recognise? Oily haired and all hehe
I was an auto student, meaning I travelled by auto to and
from school and I vividly remember boasting to my auto mates that I was a pre-teen.
I couldn’t wait to grow up. Yo! I was excited to become a teenager thanks to
movies and Hannah Montanna. I was waiting for teenage to transform me, give me
a make-over. I stepped into my teens and nothing much seemed to happen. Oh boy!
I was disappointed, nevertheless, I kept the spirit up fiercely waiting for my
sweet 16. 16 turned 18. And now, as a 20 year old, I see what teenage has done
to me, how it has changed me both physically and mentally. I’m not even sad
that I’m a teen no more, surprisingly. I’ve crossed a bridge in the sea of life
and I’m burning it down as I write this. I’m treading another bridge now which is
facing the dawn.
At 13.
Bucket Lists?!
I never really had a bucket list for my teens and I do
not have one for my twenties either. Looking back, these are the ones I would
call the bucket list of my teens that I never knew existed.
Paradigm Shift
Life:
What do you need to live a happy life? A purpose? A
passion? A family? Health? Wealth? As clichéd as this question might sound, it
is that less that we come up with a clear idea/plan. I see very few people
doing it. From not wanting to get married to wanting a family, my perspective
to a good life has shifted from “purpose” being the underlying idea to select “six”
entities that I read in a book focusing on which I feel will make me thrive. It
could be 4 or 5 for you. Okay, this will seem ambiguous, I intend to write
about this in another article.
Career:
I literally spent 14 years in a school where many were better
than me in many aspects. I used to get ranked between 4 and 15 and coming first
was never a desire or intention. In my head, it was as though the first rank
was reserved for someone else. This attitude aka wall failed me in giving the
push to do better. This extended to public speaking, dancing etc. A few
milestones like being the Best Girl Rylarian 2k16 ( Rotary Youth Leadership
Awards ), MS.ORIGIN 2k16 ( Interschool event ), Best Outgoing Student 2k17,
School 1st in 12th boards in CSE stream knocked off the
bricks that built the wall one by one. The wall was fully knocked down in Anna
University when it seemed that I could be the best among the lot. ( It was the
opposite at St. Stephen’s lol ) Now I know that putting in the right effort, I
can get what I want.
At 16. Hmmm sweet 16 enough?
Dance:
How I see dance has changed and it is relatively a latest
transformation in me. When you don’t have something, you know how it’s absence
can affect you. I was such a fool that I never realised it was dance that was
absent in my life. Thanks to Instagram, the artists I follow have made me feel
guilty of how I’ve taken my dance for granted. I’m still trying to revere my
art as much as the stalwarts do. I hesitate to call myself an artist because I
feel there is no art in my dance. In most of my teens, I looked at my dance as
a performance tool. It came to me naturally and I never practiced it sincerely.
Now, my dance means much more to me. I’m striving to make it mean much much
more to me. There is an intention to practice my art form now. I won’t say “it
is my passion, I love it”, I feel that comes from a point of needing approval
and recognition. My art form just brightens up my life and I need it. It is a
need now. I’m not there yet: in seeing my dance as an art form. I want to feel
every lyric, every movement, every rhythm and divinity behind all this. I’m
lazy, I procrastinate and I better shut up and dance.
P.S:
I ended up giving
my proper first solo recital when I was 19. Head to my instagram for all the
photos and the hype I created about it lol J
Relationships:
We all ignore relationships. So did I. Mending distorted
relationships isn’t the easiest thing to do but there is just no other way out.
Believe me when I say that. If only there was a way out, Sigh! I come to realize
that putting in effort equals not taking them for granted. Period.
Vulnerability too! (Will require a separate article)
At 18 ( check instagram for such embarassing pictures from my teens )
Fun
stuff:
- ü Hmmm…
I lived alone in the capital city. No parents, no relatives
- ü I
traveled solo with an unknown group of people
- ü I
made mistakes that every teenager does. (Text me to know that, wink!)
- ü Got
into a chat with a random person on Tinder ( Ok don’t judge me )
- ü Okay
I zip lined ( Is that even an adventure sport?! )
- ü Made
friends on Facebook ( You know who you are :D )
- ü Started
a blog for myself
- ü Put
up a YouTube channel
Things I wanted the most as a teen seem meaningless to me
now. My teens was all about breaking, be it habits or routines or notions. Disorder.
My twenties will be all about building, be it habits or routines or
relationships. Relaxed order, that’s how I aspire it to be. Hopefully.
From cravings to satisfaction, Yours truly – Hema Bhaskar,
20 years old.
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